So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
