Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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