OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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