After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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