Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
