the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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