I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
