Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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