You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
