to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
