I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
