If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
