Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
