Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
