The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
