Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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