The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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