Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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