my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
