the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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