there was a trapeze. enough said
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
