Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
