Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
