the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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