She's JV to your varsity
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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