She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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