So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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