Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
