Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
