I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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