You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
