Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
