I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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