hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
