I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
