You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
