I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
