My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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