The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
