He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
