What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just invented taco cereal.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
