he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
