do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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