i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
