hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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