my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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