He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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