Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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