I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
