Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
