Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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