I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
